So a couple things on my mind.
The first is how friendships fade. I've been analyzing my social circle a lot lately. One friend particularly stands out. Freshman year we were best friends. Like we hung out just us all the time. We were sooo close. But like I barely talk to her anymore. She tries to hang out with all these new people. And something pretty important happened to me and I still haven't told her about it. I feel like she'd be all weird or something. And since this is big news and I didn't tell her I'm pretty sure we're not best friends any more. I mean this is the sorta thing you're supposed to tell your best friend, the sorta thing you're supposed to want to tell you're best friend. And I know I'm being pretty vague about this news but it's kinda too personal/ confusing to post on the good ol' internet. And like just people have changed so much recently. Like people are drinking and smoking who were completely sober last year. It's strange to see things move so fast. As for me? I guess I've changed. I'm in a weird phase where I'm not totally sure who I am. Like all my self definitions seem off. A lot of the times I don't know how I feel. Like I'm not changing important value systems and completely changing who I am. Some things are just a bid cloudier than they should be. But at the same time I kind of like this ambiguity. I am leaving practically everything behind once I graduate high school so maybe a little wiggle room on "who I am" will be good. This is ridiculously introspective and probs no one cares so I'm going to move on now.
The second thing on my mind is my hatred for photography. Me and photo have an on again off again relationship and right now we are very, very off. Today I spent 2 hours walking around Summit taking pictures of various doors. I was having a lovely time, the weather was beautiful, I was listening to The Black Keys (their music is very inspiring for being artsy and cool), and some of my shots were very nice. Then of course my film didn't roll correctly and when I opened my camera of course instead of being neatly bundled away all my film was exposed to light. This means I have my 5th roll of film to look forward to. Last project I only had to shoot one roll. This is ridiculous. When I exposed my film I just started swearing. Photography is so emotional. Like the entire process just totally screws with you. Like when you do something right it feels really good. But the challenging bits suck!
Well I'm ahead of the blogging game so I don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully this week will be better than the last. Always what I hope for!
Awwn mara, I know you've been feeling kind of confused over the abs situation, but maybe you should reach out to her if you feel like you guys are so distant? Ask her out to lunch next weekend or something! Get manis & pedis, whatever. Maybe you guys just need something to get your friendship back on track. And don't worry too much about telling/not telling her the "thing". I know you're afraid that she'll rub it in your face or something similar, but hey, isn't that what i did too ?? lololol. Also I totally share your thoughts on the whole everyone-is-changing-too-fast theory, but that's what happens in highschool. I think.
ReplyDeleteDon't let photo get you down, I know you love it, and yes artists run into walls sometimes, but we always bounce back! That's the magic of momentum and impulse... p=mv...I = delta p...or something like that.