Life and Times of Mara: July 2012

So much to summarize! I'm officially now a high school graduate! How crazy is that?!?! I walked to get my diploma with Dave Barletta the dream boat football star. (Now that we're no longer classmates I can say that right?) I looked very short next to him because he's 6'5'' and well I'm not... Then we were all whisked off to project graduation. A mythical land of air brush tattoos, massages, and sports that I'm not coordinated enough to play. Sunday after graduation, the fam came to celebrate. It was nice seeing everyone and a little congratulatory money is sitting waiting to go to the bank. Summer started off slow, but is starting to pick up. I'm working two jobs (Surprising since I'm usually so lazy). In the mornings I babysit and drive the girl to the pool. I really don't like waking up early, but she's a sweet little almost 5th grader and it's super easy money. And then I'm doing reception work at a pediatrician's office. I mostly just file charts alphabetically. It's painfully boring. But at least this job I can work hours during college breaks when I know I'll need money. Speaking of college! I can almost taste the instant ramen! I received my tentative schedule! Most importantly I got into FAMS 101. I literally cheered out loud when I saw that I'm starting my career as a young film maker! Then I have a history class. Geology 101 for my lab requirement. I hope that class isn't that bad. Also I have my first year seminar which is actually a theatre class. This one was my 3rd choice, but I'm sure it will be fine! Today I got my housing assignment. My dorm is close to the main quad and has air conditioning. And my roommate is also from New Jersey and seems fairly normal so far! Ahhhh August come faster! I've actually been doing a pretty good job of staying active this Summer! Lots of gym trips for the elliptical and I'm doing yoga twice a week with Caitlin. Tuesday started Summer dance classes. Ballet was really hard because the class was a lot more intense than what I was used to (there were jumps I had never heard of! Really a scion?). But, I pushed through and just didn't care if they judged me! I made up for my less than performance worthy ballet class by having a good jazz class. I <3 Jazz!

Well I solved my existential life crisis. I decided it's all in my head. Now, most people would view this as a bad thing but you've probably figured out, I'm not most people! So I'm no longer all caught up in "trying to find my place" and "discovering who I am". I'm a teenager the whole identity thing is still being formed. It's ridiculous to stress over something like that. Having deep philosophical debates with yourself doesn't make you deep it just gives you a headache! However, I do feel very distanced from my peers. I feel awkward and like I don't fit in. I feel like people don't really like me. Or at least they don't like me as much as others. Just that second rate inadequate feeling. Maybe it's just having been in New Prov for too long. Maybe it's knowing these people too well picking up on their subtleties and social cues. Maybe it's that they've known me too long. Having seen me in all my peaks and valleys having grown bored with me. It could be them; not being interesting or bright enough for me. Is it wrong to say that? There are just an abundance of uninspiring people I am forced to come in contact with. I know I'm not helping my case towards being a nice person. Or is it me? Am I the one who is just too strange? Is it that I am a fake, a psuedointellectual with unreasonable standards for the perfectly acceptable people around me? I don't know. It sucks feeling like a stranger surrounded by those you're supposed to call your posse, your clique, your best friends. I live in the moment and I think few do. I think many of us are just so ready to leave it is hard to continue hanging out with this collection of people who are not yet part of our past and certainly not a part of our futures. Again, too harsh?